Women were made to sail round the world.
Women sailors, without a doubt are far better than men. Oh there may be guffawing over the gin and tonics from the blue blazer brigade down at the yacht club but just think about it. Whoever designed the mould for women must have been a sailor themselves.They really thought about what they were doing after all the mistakes they made when throwing a man together. I know Adam is supposed to have eaten the forbidden fruit but he was hungry. Apparently Eve forgot to make dinner as she was engrossed in studying celestial navigation.
Why are women better sailors?
Men have always considered themselves as the kings of the ocean when it comes to sailing but is that just their egos saying what their mouth darn’t. Personally I think that women are far better sailors. They have the mentality, the equipment and the know how to skipper any boat better than a man.
Here are just some of the reasons I have come up with as to why a woman sailors are better than men.
Women sailors have a higher pain tolerance.
Women were given superpowers when it comes to coping with illness and pain. Going through childbirth and still being able to walk afterwards is a miracle in my book. If men had to give birth then it just would not happen. The human race would never have made it past the starting pistol.
Transfer this on to boats and a woman will cope with anything.
A man may stub his toe slightly and beg to be air lifted to the nearest hospital. A woman sailor can rip her left arm off on a winch and all she will do is mutter about the mess the blood leaves on the deck as she is sticking herself back together with gaffer tape.
When coming into a crowded anchorage a woman on the helm will not panic but use her social skills to wave to other boats and exchange pleasantries.
For a man on the helm it is a time to shout a lot, recite all the four letter words he has ever learnt and do some weird kind of Masai Warrior tribal dance. A woman will ignore him and continue making new friends and arranging sun downers.
What is this big white thing ..
Women are born negotiators. They have tools that no man has including eyes that leak, a trembling chin and the ability to be beautiful or dumb when they need to be. In fact women are not dumb but are using their inbuilt skills and womanly wiles to get exactly what they want.
A woman skipper on a boat can get her crew to do anything. A man’s negotiation skills end with him walking a 4 foot plank rather than a 3 foot one. In negotiations with a woman a man will never have the last word. To a woman that is the start of a new argument.
A man will try to motivate his crew by insulting them but he doesn’t mean what he says. A woman sailor will motivate her crew by complimenting them. She does not mean what she says either.
If for some reason all the electrickery on a boat goes north and they are lost then a man will circumnavigate the world seven times because “He knows his destination is somewhere round here”. A woman will just pull into the next marina and ask where they are.
Men .. remember to breathe
A woman can multi-task. A man cannot, period. She will be aware of every sound on the boat, the wind, the sea state and what everyone aboard is doing and thinking. She will know which was last man to go to the heads and spray it liberally everywhere but where he was supposed to.
A man will see the chart plotter in front of him and may vaguely be aware of other people wandering around the deck.
If he sees a young naked or topless women on another boat all rules go out the window and he will forget to breathe.
Put a naked woman in a life jacket and she will look cute and sexy.
Put a naked man in a life jacket and it is wrong in so many ways. Hairy legs and a shrivelled miniature cactus are not a good look.
A meal to a woman sailor aboard a boat is something that is tasty, nutritious and appetising. A meal to a man is anything he can get out of a can that does not have to be cooked. A woman may use every dish and saucepan on the boat to make her meal but she will tidy up afterwards. A man will use every dish and pan on the boat one at a time until there is nothing clean left. Then he will starve.
Men don’t do that do they?
On a boat personal hygiene to a woman is paramount and consists of at least 367 different steps each morning. She will always look and smell good. Personal hygiene to a man is catching his reflection in a mirror whilst missing the heads yet again (see multi-tasking). This may alter if there is a woman aboard when a man may change his underpants occasionally.
A woman will always try to educate men on the differences between a laundry basket and the floordrobe (as well as the heads and the floor) whilst we men ponder that age old question of just how a new roll of toilet paper grows on the holder.
So now you know why women sailors are far better than men. Having said that there is a couple of things about women that I believe can be improved slightly.
Some things do need improving.
On the ship’s radio a woman sailor will speak in a voice so high only dogs can hear. If the radio message is to another woman she will carry on until the ship’s batteries are flat. A man could make the same call in three seconds.
Obviously women never make mistakes.. ever. It is a physical impossibility for a woman to admit a sailing mistake due to an extra gene in her vocal chords. A man will continually say sorry but the first one who actually admitted a mistake was the one who created women.
Ladies, you are officially now the best sailors.
So there we have the Cygnus III take on why women sailors are far better than men. I am sure you cannot argue with anything I have said. I did have some words with my wife over this blog. Unfortunately I never got the chance to use mine.
So ladies, the skipper’s job is now officially yours. We men will just sit back, drink beer in the sun and watch the fairer sex showing us how to sail a boat properly.. Naked of course…..
Women sailors. Do not read past this point.
Men. Don’t say anything more
Men, do you think I got away with it and earned some captain’s cabin points or will I be in the dog house again?
I knew it would be impossible for any women to listen to a man and not read on further so I best say nothing more. Lets just be quiet and let them dream.
What are your views. Do you agree. Can you think of any more reasons why women sailors are better than men or have I got something really, really wrong?