The true meaning

Christmas gets the three wise men stoned

30th December 2011
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The three wise men are stoned at Christmas

Happy Christmas from Cygnus III


I know it is a little late but the motley crew of Cygnus III would like to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a wonderful 2012.

We have spent our first Christmas aboard Cygnus and our first Christmas in foreign parts. I have to say that it was done in true liveaboard style and was a total success.

 

South African sailors

Since I last put fingers to the keyboard we have been joined in La Rochelle by the boat “Arigatou”. Her crew, Marc, Jane, Matthew and David, a wonderful South African family sailed in just before Christmas. Our boats have almost become communal and we really enjoying spending time with them. We also know that as liveaboards either of us might go our own way at any time so we will make the most of it.

We hope to set sail again in February and our first journey will be a 36 hour sail across the dreaded Bay of Biscay to Spain. All being well we will sail with “Arigatou” so we can look after each other along the way.

 

La Rochelle is simply stunning

It is difficult to describe how stunning La Rochelle is and the wonderful French people have helped us feel at home. We actually feel part of the town and culture and love just walking around the city. Each twist and turn brings something new and I have never seen so many cafe’s in one place before. Even cycles are free for two hours and you can just drop them off in numerous places. Our French language has improved slightly and it is a pity that in four weeks or so we may be trying to learn Spanish.

La Rochelle Christmas lights

Christmas in La Rochelle

For Christmas the lights went up all around the city and even Blackpool would have been hard pushed to match them. They had lasers in the sky, moving festive projections on walls and lights everywhere. We even had English music and carols piped through a speaker system into every main street.

I must admit that on Christmas day we felt a little guilty giving the boys just a couple of basic gifts but we are all learning that possessions mean so little in this way of life. Good company and enjoying our time together as a family is far more rewarding and we hope the boys will carry this throughout their lives.

 

Christmas dinner aboard Cygnus III

Christmas Dinner

Christmas Dinner

For Christmas dinner Angelina and Jane cooked the full works between them on both boats whilst Marc managed to cook a Turkey on the cobb barbecue. I think being South African he was upset that he didn’t get the chance to shoot it first but even so it tasted good. We all ate together on our boat and had a wonderful day free from the usual stresses.

They say Christmas is a time of reflection, usually brought about by a drunken haze. Keen to educate I have been looking into some of the religious aspects myself and came upon some astonishing conclusions that may well get you men folk out of a pickle.

 

The true meaning of Christmas

I’m telling you now, Christmas will never catch on. It’s one of those fads that everybody raved about but by next year it will just be a memory. Let’s be serious for a minute. You go out, spend loads of your hard earn cash on presents, not for yourself, but for other people and then give them away for nothing. Bar Humbug. It’s ludicrous, insane and downright stupid. To compound matters you then give yourself a hernia fighting other shoppers to buy foods you would never normally consider eating. You will then spend all day giving yourself stress. All so you can stuff your body to the point where you would make a good foie gras. You will drink copious amounts of alcoholic drinks you have never heard of and then spend the rest of the holidays seeking a solicitor because you stuffed the wrong bird at the Christmas office party or threw up on everyone.

 

The three wise men

Now tell me if I am wrong but so far as I am aware the three wise men did not turn up in a stable bearing Fosters, bucks fizz and a snowball. I can understand that they may have been hungry and having a choice between a donkey and a worried looking Turkey they chose the latter. This is strange because Dominos pizzas could have been there in five minutes and they would have got a free coke. Yes the delivery boys may have left a few tire marks over the baby Jesus but the Turkey was taking forever and Balthazar left the plastic bag of giblets in. No doubt whilst they were waiting they flicked on the TV and started off the tradition of watching Morecambe and the three Wise men. They then carried on with a charade of “Stand up Virgin Soldiers” which Mary was less than impressed with.

 

Immaculate conception

In fact, at the time of the “immaculate conception” Joseph and Mary we only engaged. She disappeared for three months into the hills and came back pregnant. She may also have been only 12 years of age at the time and Joseph was much older. Now it is not for me to comment on the church and young boys or girls but there seems to be precedence here.  Anyway, old Joseph thought much the same as you and me if our partner disappeared for several months and came back up the duff. He could have gone for the traditional punishment of stoning her to death but after a dream decided against it. Hence why we get totally stoned at Christmas which reminds us of this poignant moment.

 

Gold Frankincense and  Myrrh

Gold Frankincense Myrrh. What’s that all about and what is Myrrh uses? Gold I can understand but Frankincense and Myrrh which are essentially perfumes bled from trees. Myrrh is an embalming fluid which may be where the office party is derived from. I should imagine young master Jesus was as impressed with his gifts as everyone else is to receive sandalwood bath salts! Now as they came from the East what was wrong with an X-Box or I-pad. All I’m saying is that “I just didn’t know what to get him” doesn’t cut the mustard. A bit of forethought would have helped knowing that millions of school plays would re-enact this very moment. Come on, they are supposed to be wise men or “Magi” to give them their real title. In fact there could have been more than three. Matthew was none too clear on this point in his writings and Magi are usually found in groups of about 12. This leads me to presume some were Scottish because the tight buggers brought nothing and at least one was a “Scouser” as the said gifts seem to have disappeared.

 

What does this all mean?

So what can we learn from all this. Well there are several references to getting stoned or embalmed and giving bath salts.

So that’s it. A traditional Christmas should consist of getting totally drunk and giving your wife cheap and nasty bath salts. When she complains, as she inevitably will, you now know how to dig yourself out of that hole or consider having her stoned.

Getting stoned at Christmas

Getting stoned at Christmas

This is the genuine stoning square in La Rochelle. Victims would stand against the tower in the middle. I did ask Angelina to be in the shot but for some reason she refused?

So, now you have been enlightened all that is let for us to do aboard Cygnus III is to wish you a very, very happy Christmas and the best New Year ever.

 

Swan

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