A stitch in time

Leaving with a body in the fridge.

20th March 2012
Sailing around France

Leaving France with a dead body in the fridge

Planning to leave France.

It may be that we leave France with my dead body stuffed in the fridge but more on that later. Unless that happens or there is a major catastrophe, which in our case there could well be, then this should be our last blog from French France.

We are all eagerly watching the weather forecasts all be it for different reasons. I am checking the depressions coming across the Atlantic looking for a weather window to cross Biscay. Angelina on the other hand is looking to see if she can get her summer clothes out yet and what bikini she should wear.

leaving the French

Leaving the French for the Spain

Our friends, Marc, Jane and the boys left the French coast a few days ago and by all accounts had a good sail across to Bilbao in Spain where they arrived safely. Unfortunately we had other commitments so were unable to go. We wish them well on their journey and hope to see them again at some point in the future.

We did go out with our French friends, Vincent and Eric to wave goodbye to the Whittington’s as they left La Rochelle for Spain. We toasted them a little too well to Neptune and nearly ran aground and hit a buoy coming back but it certainly was a fun sail.

Cygnus III is slowly shedding her winter clothing of TV Satellite dishes, bare decks and heaters to become a sailing boat once again. Lines have been re rigged, checked and a few renewed, cleaning is under way, instruments are being calibrated and provisions are being taken aboard. The Spanish flag has been readied in anticipation along with our life jackets and sailing clothes.


What will the future hold?

I know I speak for all of us when I say it took a while to settle into the French way of life and their food but when we did, what a life. We will really miss France and the friends we have made here but that feeling of needing to move on is back.

French Missile Range

French missile range

There is trepidation at the thought of our first sail this year being such a long one but there is also excitement.  That’s what this is all about though. Finding the unknown and making it your friend. If that fails we will just poke it in the eye with as sharp stick. Our crossing will be the longest journey we have done by far. We will really be out on the Ocean with large swells and depths between 2,000 and 4,000 meters. Depending on where we go in Spain it will take between 36 and 48 hours with two night sails. We will have to take turns in sailing Cygnus III to try and get a little sleep on the way and avoid ending up in the missile firing range not far from here. I am not quite sure what an Exocet would do if it hit Cygnus III but I am sure there would be a lot of cleaning up to do afterwards.


Facing new challenges and the unknown

We know in the coming months we will face new challenges, will see some beautiful places and make some wonderful new friends. We have absolutely no idea where we will go or when but that is all part of the enjoyment and the adventure.

A year ago we were in Hull wondering if we would ever make it through the lock in one piece without being mugged. Now we are in La Rochelle and have lifetime’s memories from sailing around France. I know we are all different people and that no matter what else happens we did it. We lived our dream and our lives will never be the same.


What if you die at sea?

Now I have to say here that something Angelina said the other day worried me a little. She said that I was worth more dead than alive and what should she do with me if I died on an ocean crossing to make sure the insurance would pay out! When I couple this with the fact she tends to cook my meals separately I am starting to get paranoid. She said it is because she doesn’t want us both to come down with food poisoning at the same time. I just have this niggle in the back of my mind about being worth more dead.


What to do with a dead body at sea.

To help put her mind at rest I looked up in the ship’s medical book what she should do if I were to expire at an inopportune moment, especially for me. This is genuinely what I found when it came to deceased bodies on a boat.

1)      First she is to make sure I am really dead which I would tend to agree with. Angelina said, does that mean holding me under the water a little longer which of course I don’t agree with.

2)      The next thing she is to do is check me for signs of injury and also to take photos. I presume this means only after she has removed any sharp instruments, hatchets or ligatures from my body. Strangley enough there was no mention of putting pictures of my dead body in various poses on Facebook.

3)      Next she is to itemise my clothing and remove the same. Well I am all for her removing my clothing but let me be alive and kicking when it happens and not so she can sell it all at a car boot sale.

4)      Now comes the kinky bit. She is to tie my ankles together and for some reason put a bandage or something round my jaw and the top of my head. I did suggest we practised the above points regarding bondage but she would only go for the hatchet in the back.

5)      The next part is preferable but not compulsory. She is to stuff my dead body into the fridge. I asked if she would take the cucumbers out first so when she came to make a salad she would not grab the wrong thing. She informed me there would be no mistake unless she was looking for a small wizened chilli to put in a curry.

Body in Fridge

Getting Mark in the fridge

For some reason Angelina wanted to see if I would fit in the fridge although for the sake of my street cred I refused to go naked. She also say it was a bit of a squeeze and it may be best to dismember my body first but she also needed some more Tupperware boxes.

Now knowing that smaller boats have pretty small fridges and that people may be put off their food if there was a naked, bondaged body inside they do give an alternative. This could also double up to pass a bit of time on the voyage. They suggest putting the said body in a sail bag and sowing it shut after first putting some large weights in it. Angelina said she prefers this method although she is confused as to whether to do cross stitch or something a little more decorative. This is not specified so I will leave it up to her. Our son also added that it is tradition for the last stitch to be placed through the nose. Although I am not generally into body piercings this apparently is a last ditch attempt to make sure you are dead and not just pretending. Finally the bag, weights and body are to be slid into the sea. A few words are optional and it was nice to hear Angelina say that she would have more than a few “Choice” words to mark my demise.


Now you know what to do with a dead body at sea

So there you have it.. if you ever get lumbered with a dead body on an Ocean passage you will know what to do although I am surprised they did not suggest posting the pictures on Facebook so others could comment on the stitching.

We think Cygnus is prepared and ready to set sail from the French coast and space has been made for my dead body in the fridge, just in case.





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