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The ideal Liveaboards boat?

2nd May 2014
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The Ideal Liveaboards Boat

Writing a sailing blog


Writing a sailing blog can be really hard work. Just when you think you have time for a break the next one can sneak up on you like a rabid woman. At least with women you can throw a handful of chocolates and watch them scrabble whilst you make good your escape. With writing a sailing blog there is no escape.

To help me focus my mind I have been playing country music backwards. It makes me feel better as no one gets divorced but instead they get married, the skies turn from grey to blue and the dog does not die. Well it makes me feel happy anyway.

So, back to the sailing blog. We always get asked the question “What is the ideal liveaboards boat?”

There is no right answer; it is what is right for you.

We will look at several types of boats out there to try and help you narrow down the field.

10 Ideal Liveaboards Boats

Mr Normal

Chinese production boats

Another copy rolls out the Beijing factory

These boats are mass produced, usually by the Germans and French. Each one is almost identical and they can be found anywhere there is a puddle of water. They make up a large percentage of every day boaters boats.

The Chinese have now moved into this market producing them by the thousands. The photo shows them rolling off the production line in Beijing. At the moment they are copying earlier designs but soon the yachting scene will be awash with cheap identical copies of the latest French and German designs.

 

The Musician

Ideal liveaboards boat if you are a musician

The musical boat

Amongst the boating fraternity there are many sailors who like to think of themselves as the undiscovered Bob Dylan. This practical design is the ideal liveaboards boat for musicians in that it incorporates everything the guitarist will need whilst at sea. Head room is a bit tight below decks but the acoustics are excellent. Beware if you see one coming towards you as the owner will be too busy playing with his plectrum to see you.

 

The Power Boaters

The liveaboard Power Boat

The Power Boat

The owners of these boats crave power. They can never get enough horsepower no matter what the size of boat. Some say it is compensation for lack of manhood (we have only got a little engine by the way). As liveaboards it is not much use but it will get you to the next party pretty quickly which is no bad thing.

 

The Worriers

The worriers liveaboard boat

The worriers boat

They have persecution complexes and there will always be someone out there after them but fear not,  they are prepared for anything. Usually you will find this type of boat flying the American ensign but it is hard to tell. Most people won’t get close enough to find out before they find a cruise missile whistling its way towards them. They tend to run the engines on napalm and can call in a air to sea strike at any time.

The Hoarders

The ideal liveaboard boat for hoarders

Don’t throw it away

If they can fit it on their ideal liveaboards boat they will and nothing ever gets thrown away. I don’t know where they manage to store it but you know if you need something as diverse as a three legged race horse named John you will find it here. The boats are often named Area 51

 

The I Know It All’s

On the rocks

The I know it alls

They have been there, done it and have identical matching pristine tee shirts with the boats name on to prove it.  There is nothing you can tell these boaters because they already know it all. Ask them why they are parked on that rock and they will tell you they meant to so they can clean the bottom. British boats of this class are easily identified by their blue ensign. A lot of these people are actually armchair sailors spending hours on sailing forums telling others how to do it properly.

 

The Dolly Trolley

The dolly trolly

The dolly trolley

Every marina has an open shirted, medallion wearing skipper who only bought his boat to impress the girls. They never actually go anywhere as the owner does not know how to start the engine but you will always find champagne aboard. The bottles have been aboard several years as the women never stay long enough to try it.

 

The Minimalists

The minimalist boat

The minimalist boat

They don’t have much money but want to sail regardless. They never brag even if they have been round the world eight times whilst riding a unicycle around the deck. They will often be dressed in garden wellies and wet weather gear they picked up 30 years ago out of dumpster. They are the first people to help if help is needed. My favourite people.

 

The Super Yacht

The money bags

The money bags

Money’s no object to the super yacht owner. The boat will usually have a crew wearing ridiculous matching uniforms and shorts. They will pander to the owner’s every whim. Just don’t ever touch anything, wear shoes, or sit down anywhere. It is good form to pick your nose discretely before shaking hand with the owner. The top 100 super yachts can be found on this website

 

The Anchoring Worriers.

Anchor worries

Anchor worries

They spend most of their time at anchor but they continually worry that the boat will drag. To compensate they will get the biggest anchor possible and spend hours making sure it is dug in. They will never leave the boat, just in case another boat swings 50 miles away. The French are excluded from these boats as they don’t know what an anchor is.

And that’s our 10 types of ideal liveaboards boats.

So there we are. Ten types of liveaboard boats for you to choose from. There are of course many more and we are sure you could add a few of your own. Which type of owner are you?

As usual we always love to hear from you so please leave a comment, send us a message or click one of those social media button things. Don’t listen to you mother. Clicking them won’t make you go blind. You can do all three if you wish, just for the hell of it.

Well the backwards country music has finished and I have also managed to complete another sailing blog on our own ideal liveaboards boat and that I am pleased about.

 

Swan

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7 comments

  1. My wife and I were thinking about getting a boat but since neither one of us knows anything about sailing that thought quickly passed . I have seen the minimalist, the hoarders and the yuppy rich car salesmen worth the boat as long as a boat dock and laughed while reading about them in this post.

  2. Very funny, Mark. Types of cruisers are universal, I guess, no matter where they sail. We saw lots of most of these types in Mexico. Love the know-it-alls, the minimalists and the hoarders… so true!!

  3. What about the “business boats”, those of us living aboard and still working and running a business. These boats are constantly hunting a decent wifi signal like some form of sonar scanning survey vessel.

    1. Neil,
      I know I should have put a Russian spy vessel brimming with Ariels up there for you. WI-FI is a modern must for boats now to keep in contact with friends and family and we do everything to beg, borrow and steal and signal.

  4. I love this. I’m not sure if we fit in on this list, but if there was a category for the “Piece of cake! How hard can this sailing thing…shit, what happened to the engine?” people, that would be us.

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