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Have we evolved, Vannes to Crouesty

5th October 2011

Have we evolved, Vannes to Port du Crouesty

Vannes to Crouesty France

Sorry, but I’m still here and after the pontoon problems, Vannes  did not turn out to be my Waterloo although there is a strange comparison.

In the closing moments of the battle of Waterloo a cannon ball struck the Earl of Uxbridge as he rode with the Duke of Wellington. The Duke said “By God you’ve lost your leg.” The Earl said “By God, so I have.” The remains of the leg were amputated in a house nearby and the owner buried the leg in his garden where it was a place of interest for some years.


Crouesty. Call me stumpy

Should anyone visit Vannes and I implore you to do so, make a pilgrimage to the pontoon where bits of my own leg may still be seen to this day, although the harbour master refused to put up a plaque. He did however put a new plank in to mark the spot so I suppose it’s better than nothing and it is a very nice plank.

My fading moments were in fact due to an over indulgence in Breton beer and the 1000 women were actually running in a Vannes charity event. To make matters worse only 1.3 of them were virgins. (Susan Boyle, and her cat who had once indulged in heavy petting).

We have booked into La Rochelle for winter although at the moment it is just too hot and there is no sign of any cooler weather on the horizon. It is still another hundred or so miles away but we have a couple of weeks to get there. In fact we have managed to crowbar ourselves out of Vannes and took the log flume out of the Morbihan to a place called Port du Crouesty.


Port du Crouesty or Disneyland?

Crouesty front

The Crouesty marina

Port du Crouesty is a strange place as it has less charisma than a shopping trolley but everything you could want is here. It looks American in appearance but without Micky or Goofy. We just don’t know what to make of it. Crouesty started up as a town in 570 AD when some old British missionary died and was pushed out to sea in a boat. Two months later he washed ashore in Crouesty and they built a small monastery. Now there is a huge marina here and you need a weeks holiday to walk around to the other side. That really sums it up, boats, dead people and that is about it. It is also pretty wet and windy here so it might be a good day to work out what some of the instruments on Cygnus III do.

I was looking at some birds the other day, the feathered variety not the Moulin Rouge type, which took me to thinking.


Have Humans Evolved?

Birds wings, eyes, legs and a beak and most can fly so we tend to generalise and call them all birds. The thing is, and this is the clever part, they have evolved. They have different adaptation’s to help them carry out specific tasks whether it be soaring, diving underwater or having long legs to wade with. Now I certainly don’t have a problem over a bird with long legs.

Preaching the delights of Vannes

Preaching the delights of Vannes

I then looked at my fellow-man and wondered how had humans evolved and why we had not evolved to the same extent. Then it hit me like broken pontoon. We have evolved but even Darwin failed to grasp the full picture.

Just think about it for a minute. Everyone looks like they do for a reason and the only group to appreciate this are “train spotters” who will forever look like train spotters.

People with no dress sense should become teachers.

There are well-built men with six o’clock shadows who should either be manual labourers or join an East European woman’s athletic team. Really fat men should be private taxi drivers and really ugly people could all work in a telephone call centre in India.

Ginger haired people should work nights to stop the sun frying them.

The council house-mother of 26 kids should model 1960’s above the knee Winceyette nighties at 3 in the afternoon on her doorstep. You are starting to look round now and you know I am right. I could go on, so I will.

People with uncontrollable hair should all work on computers.

Anyone who came into the UK in the back of a lorry, which accounts for 88% of the population, need not work at all. The other 12% are giving you their money and if you have a hint of tint or have any disability at all then can I borrow a million or two.

It does not matter about thin people as there are only seven left in England and they are all investment bankers.

Swedish women should be nurses or even better French teachers and people called Keith should all become Kamikaze pilots over Ramsgate to give their life meaning.


Economic evolution.

Darwin started something with his theories of natural selection and the aforementioned people are automatically going for those jobs or benefits and that is why the British economy is only just afloat.

Look at America and apply Darwin’s theory and you will see why their economy is failing. They have not diversified at all. In America you either work in the medical field or you are a patient with obesity and cannot drive your cab any more. At least if they had a few Keith’s instead of Randy’s it may help. They even have the world’s first bionic president. I saw him once catch a fly without even looking so he cannot be real and besides he is too thin.

The French have evolution totally sorted. They either catch fish, eat fish or if they have an energy surge they do both. They don’t need to do anything else and they all live to 630. Fast food to them is fish in a shell so they don’t have an obesity problem so they don’t need doctors or taxi drivers. They double the price of any imports so there aren’t any. The whole of France officially closes at lunchtime for two or three hours so they can meet friends and they need two hours for cheek kissing.

So the answer to life and the economy is to all call yourself Jacques or Alain, buy a striped top and a fishing rod and kiss everything is sight, twice. Just make sure you live in Vannes though and not Port du Crouesty.



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