The bank job

A Cat, a Tree and Hornblower leave Spain.

15th November 2013
Menorca
Calaforte Cygnus Blog
Angi and Tree

Leaving Spain without a cat

Whipped with a cat


I have to apologise for the last blog. I really don’t know what came over me but since then there has been a keel hauling and I was whipped with a cat. I actually found it quite amusing but for some reason the cat did not appreciate being swung round by the tail. Anyway, it won’t happen again.  It has run away, which is a real pity. We found the damn thing wandering down the pontoon last week and it became part of the furniture (well a bath mat actually). We also discovered a hundred and one uses for the feral flea-bag including:-

 

Uses for a cat!

  • Paper shredder
  • Foot warmer
  • Football
  • Hand Towel
  • Boxing Partner
  • Cleaning rag
  • Rubber band slingshot target
  • Test subject for experimental rocket skateboard (need duct tape)
  • Generator (see photo)

 

Funny Cat Generator

Cat Generator

(If you can think of any more uses please leave a comment at the end of the blog) Anyway, we will have to try to find another fluffy waste of DNA somewhere.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Menorca and out of date beer!

Funny cat pictures

Cute little pussy

So, back to our travels. For the uneducated among you, the last blog described our overnight passage from Mallorca to Menorca and our first impressions. (Why use several words when a million will do). Jane and Martin, our old friends on “Gemini” came to meet us and steal our beer ….. Again! Well this time we were ready and didn’t have any aboard.  This meant we had to drink all theirs, which incidentally was out of date. Now, this surely, has to be a crime against humanity. How you keep beer so long it actually runs passed its sell by date is way beyond my limited comprehension. It is akin to asking why women use so much toilet paper. This reminds me. I am in trouble again.

Angelina asked  “How can I make my boobs bigger?

Rub them with toilet paper

How would that help?

Well it worked on your backside!!

We certainly had words over that. Unfortunately I didn’t get to use mine. So, back to our travels again….. We sailed slowly along the coast with “Gemini” investigating all the inlets along the way. There were so many wonderful, peaceful coves we could have anchored in which were devoid of anything man-made. We would have been alone and back to nature but I had other things on my mind. We needed somewhere which sold in date beer.

 

New and old friends in Cala Galdana

Cala Galdana

It was a beautiful cala and had everything we needed including in date beers.

Eventually we reached Cala Galdana which was big, beautiful and sheltered. It also had shops which meant it also had beer. It was ideal. To make it even better we also had more friends in the shape of David and Sam on their cat “Ellar” anchored a 100m away. Cat is short for Catamaran. I didn’t want you to think they were actually sailing on something that has four legs and is fury although it would be another use for a feline. Besides, catamaran sailors are not real sailors; they have two hulls, two engines, washing machines and many other luxuries. They just like to pretend they are sailing in their luxury floating hotels. Just when we though nothing could improve our day in sailed Captain Richard “Hornblower” and his wife “Teresa” or “Tree “on their boat “Tinkerbell”. I know what you’re thinking, “Hornblower, a Tree and Tinkerbelle”….. ALCOHOL, but no really, Richard is the double of Hornblower, his wife is really known as Tree and they were on Tinkerbelle. I have to say here that we had arrange to meet them as Richard works at the same place I used to and I know his uncle very well. Over the next few months Tree would keep us well fed with a constant supply of some of the best chocolate brownies you are never liable to taste.

 

Famous 5 go exploring (well 8 actually and no Timmy the dog)

Mr Hornblower and Tree

Hornblower and Tree exploring

 

Cala Macarelleta

The water is amazingly clear

 

Martyn and Jane

Martyn and Jane exploring

 

Most people were naked but that is normal

 

That week we all swam, had dinner on different boats and explored inland as well as the surrounding cala’s. On one occasion we took dinghies around the coves and dragged them onto a gorgeous beach in Cala Macarella. (Yes, most people were naked or topless but that is the norm for the Balearics). We had also met another couple, Mitch and Helen on “Kit”. I have to say it did worry me a little when he swam between all the holiday makers with a spear gun, particularly when I learnt he had never hit a fish in his life!

 

Watching rocks

From Galdana we again took a slow sail east up towards Mahon. We decided to stay the night at Calo Blanco and anchored in Evian like water. It was also time for Mr Hornblower to try his hand at cliff jumping which no doubt he was used to after his TV series.  Tree also decided to waste useful energy and went rock climbing. It was really exhausting in the heat, laid there watching them and trying to pick up a beer bottle at the same time.

 

Mahon

Mahon Cala, Menorca

Mahon Cala, Menorca

The following day we sailed around to one of the biggest Cala’s and cities on the Island, Mahon. We needed water and fuel before we left Spain to make our way to the Italian waters of Sardinia. The Cala was very long, almost like a river and the city of Mahon had nestled itself on the shore around it. Mahon was nice but it is often difficult to describe anywhere with more than a few houses as picturesque. Mahon was one of these places but it did have the occasional moment with some of its architecture in the old town.

After filling with fuel and water we went back to the head of the river and anchored behind a large fort (La Mola Prison) in a very sheltered and isolated bay. It was quiet, tranquil and the type of place we like to be. It also meant we could leave Cygnus secure whilst we took the dingy to explore the city further. I have to say I have nothing further to report on Mahon other than what I have already said. The next day we tried to get as much rest as possible as we had a 185 mile sail to Sardinia which would take two nights and a day. The gulf of Leon which was to the north of us is renowned as a melting pot for really bad weather which it shot putt southwards on a regular basis. We had been tracking one such storm but believed we would miss it by about six hours if we set of that night.

 

We will miss Spain but we are looking forward to Italy.

At 1900 on 23rd August we set sail with “Tinkerbell” for Italian waters in flat calm conditions after spending over a year in Spain. It had been one of the best years of our lives and Spain will always be at the forefront of our best of the best memories. We left Balearic Isles and Spain with the weather purring like a contented cat but up ahead Italy was about to greet us with a deafening roar.

 

Drive through bank instructions

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: “Please note that this Bank is installing new “Drive-through” teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.”

 

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

 

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its, excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check make-up in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of cheque book.

18. Re-check make-up.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

 

Did I miss anyone out.

So who have I offended this time? Cat lovers, Catamaran owners, Angelina, women in general and no doubt various environmentalists who are always offended by anything I write.

 

Swan

 

 

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3 comments

  1. Hi guys, a little behind reading but once again loved your stories. Hope the sardinia storm didnot go down toe sicily.. Stay healthy.
    Regards
    Hans

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