Its all history

Abducted from Alicante by Aliens

6th October 2013
Jelly fish photograph

Alicante – Abducted by Aliens

We were with the aliens, honest.

Before you ask, we are in Alicante. Yes I know it has been a long time since our last update but we have a very good excuse. You see we were abducted by aliens! They needed to know how our minds work. With Angelina they gave up very quickly as her mind totally confused their machines. What I wanted to know was why I was the only one to get the aliens anal probe. I was told that I was so full of crap they thought it the best place to look!

Anyway, we are back now and the last six months sailing is far more interesting than my time on an alien spaceship full of three breasted nymphomaniac females. Well I hope they were females!

The last year has been a year of naked people, beautiful anchorages, friends old and new, broken sails, lost dinghies and new countries. It has been a year of anchoring to avoid the costs of marinas and to be honest it has been pretty stressful and tiring. It has also been lots of fun.


Anchoring in Torrevieja

Since I last wrote Jordan and I made our escape from the Mar Menor and hordes of jelly fish. We managed to not get stung in the end (or anywhere else) and sailed to Torrevieja where we anchored for the night. I had spent a rather drunken week there many moons ago with friends and thought it best that I didn’t try to re visit those hazy days.


The architecture of Alicante

Trolly Dollies in Alicante

Angelina and Nicky in Alicante

From Torrevieja we went to Alicante to meet and pick up Angelina from the airport. I think Alicante was the most expensive marina we have ever been in and we needed to make a very hasty exit. We nearly didn’t get in as the commercial harbour with all the big ships has an entrance close by and guess who went in the wrong entrance. I must have still been under alien influences. We did meet Stuart and Nicky there on Comino who were going to sail up the coast with us and across to Ibiza. Alicante is actually more than just an airport. It is a big cosmopolitan city with a lot to see and do. It has some beautiful beaches if you like only 1mm of space between you and all the other hoards on the beach. Then again, get some very dark sunglasses as there are more boobs to the square inch than legs on a caterpillar. I didn’t really notice of  course as I spent my time admiring the architecture of Alicante. Yeah, believe that and you will believe we we abducted by aliens which we were of course.


Claim a scalp in Calpe

We sailed further up the coast to Calpe, a bay under a giant cliff. The bay itself was stunning but we were not the only ones to realise this. After an idyllic night the daytime was a different matter. Pedalos, water skiers and Jet Ski’s all decided that Cygnus III and the other boats anchored there would make an ideal slalom course. These three things plagued us during the year but live and let live. Then again…a head height cheese wire between a couple of boats was something that often crossed my mind. Again it was time to move on from the beautiful backdrop that is Calpe.


South Africans in Moraira

Not far away is another wonderful anchorage and small town called Moraira. We had a message to say our South African sailing friends Mark, Jane and their two boys, Matt and David were there. We had previously spent Christmas with them in La Rochelle. We soon met up and for the next two months had an amazing time sailing with them. Jordan had friends he could swim with each day and we also had good company to share many beers with. We only stayed overnight as we were again plagued by jet skis the following day. Mark and Jane were doing an overnight sail to Ibiza but we had promised other friends, Nicky and Stuart on Cominio we would sail with them during the day to the Balearics.


Scrub my back in expensive Denia

Denia Marina. I needed aliens to scrub my back

Denia Marina

We went up to Denia on 6th July to meet them and get some fuel. Another mistake as we went in the marina for one night to get water, fuel and prepare Cygnus III for the crossing. This time we were robbed of 78 euros but we did get a free hat. I have to say the showers were the best we had come across to date but for that price I expected my friends, the three breasted aliens to at least scrub my back.

  Crossing from Denia to the Balearic Isles.(Ibiza)

crossing to Ibiza

Crossing from Spain to Ibiza

Early the following morning we set off with Comino for a 60 mile crossing. There was not even a wisp of wind, the sea was flatter than a road kill hedgehog and the sun was beating down. For a lot of people these may be dream conditions but for us it was mind numbing. It also meant we would be using too much money on fuel by motoring all the way. Looking back now there were times to come when we wish we could have had these conditions again.

We had been in Spain and Portugal for over a year. We were really going to miss the friendliness of the people’s and some beautiful places. It was time to move onto new adventures in the Balearic Isles. They would be days filled with sunshine, crystal clear seas, swimming in small coves and very few or no clothes. There would be days when we would just have to grit our teeth and put up with it. Well at least that is what the aliens said to me.


Interesting History

Now us older people need to learn something new every day…Just to keep the grey matter tuned up. So where did modern day saying originate?


Where did “Piss Poor” come from?
They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so poor people used to all pee in a pot and then once it was full it was taken and sold to the tannery…If you had to do this to survive you were “Piss Poor”.But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot…They “didn’t have a pot to piss in” and were the lowest of the low.


Here are some facts about living in the 1500’s in England



Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June.. However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.



Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water!”


House roofs

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying, “It’s raining cats and dogs.”



There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That’s how canopy beds came into existence.



In the houses of the poor the floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, “Dirt poor.” The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing..
As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.



In those old days, the poor were lucky if they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.
Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat.  They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: “Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.”


Pork and bacon

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, “bring home the bacon.” They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.



Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.



Bread was divided according to status..Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.



Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky.The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up.Hence the custom; “holding a wake.”



England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave.When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realised they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell;  thus, someone could be, “saved by the bell” or was “considered a dead ringer.”


And that’s the truth.

Now, whoever said history and being poor was boring!!! Certainly the aliens never mentioned it.



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  1. Where the heck do you get all your historical tidbits? Quite hilarious. I’m enjoying reading.
    Ps I liked Camaret. We waited out weather there for a few days while it was blowing the dog off the chain out in Biscay. We tied up to the dock and moved into the bar half way up the town. No-one came looking for mooring fees and I never went looking for them.

    1. Camaret was a weird place. The girl taking the mooring fees was right in town miles from the marina and we had to go find her. That was difficult as well as there always seemed to be fog.

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